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Imagine if the entire Twittosphere knew how much “BAM” you put in (funnies intended) during the blissful newlywed stage of your bam chicka wa waaa. A clever (and sort of cruel) best man took inspiration from the infamous Twittering office chair and decided to rig up his buddy’s bed with a “pressure-sensitive pad” that times the romp and measures force. Each tweeted tryst will also include a judge’s score and something called “frenzy index.” No word if the pad also monitors hair pulling and spanking.

To play creepy Tweeping Tom, follow the action at @newlywedsontjob. Hey, at least there’s no camera hidden in the headboard (that we know of).

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