How people negotiate condom use
A new study, published by Dr. Michelle Broaddus and her colleagues, has revealed some fascinating results about how people negotiate condom use.
The first discovery was that, in general, both men and women who asked to use condoms were seen as more mature, but less romantic. Interestingly, women (but not men) who wanted to use condoms were also seen as less promiscuous, presumably because many people have a belief that promiscuity and caring about safe sex simply can’t go hand and hand. That seems odd, since you’d think safe sex would be of more importance to those who have multiple sexual partners.
The second part of the study looked at how three common condom negotiation tactics by women were perceived—refusal to have sex without a condom, presenting a condom as making sex sexier and more fun, and discussion of mutual STD risk. The scientists found that although women participants were somewhat judgmental of the women who used the “sexiness” strategy, participants of both sexes did think that such women were more likely to end up having sex—the other two strategies did not cause participants to make comments about the woman’s character.
While it doesn’t matter how you negotiate their use, the important thing is to negotiate at all.
More condom conversations at About.com.
Photo credit: Fotolia
Comments (6)
Funny enough, the women who always practice "safe sex" end up practicing with fewer partners and mostly with fiances/spouses. The reasoning is that when a woman cares about her own sexual health and her partners, she tends to think highly about the rest of aspects in her life as well, including high self esteem. The women who can be talked OUT of using a condom I would say are prioritizing pleasing their partners over taking care of their own health and it's all downhill from there.
When 1 in 4 have an STD (herpes and HPV included) even if you wait until your wedding night, there is a possibility of contracting an STD. So more conversations and more truth is what we need. The attitude that needs to change is the ignorance of reality.
Having sex with multiple people goes against our very nature in more than one way. For instance, the level of oxitoxin, a chemical that influences the way in and extent to which we bond with people (our partner, our children, etc.), in our brains is lowered for each additional sexual partner we have. This means that the more different sexual partners we have (before marriage), the lower are the chances of successful bonding in marriage—from a purely biological point of view, supposing other factors remain constant.
Sexual health is so much more than physical wellbeing: in fact, it especially affects our psychological and spiritual happiness. The more promiscuous we are, the worse we can bond in marriage (skyrocketing divorce rates are a clear indication of this), aside from potential STDs. A weakened ability to bond (for life) clearly influences the way a person feels about himself and persons with whom he or she interacts.
Granted that condoms provide a temporary (incidental) solution to the STD problem, it is not a structural nor a universal solution. For instance, did you know that condoms are designed for use by Caucasian males, which means condoms will most likely be unfit for use by men of other races (needless to say, penis size varies among races)? This means that in many cases, condoms leave an open space or rip, and this means that semen, which carry STDs, can flow out. Thus, a large part of the world's population is falsely led to believe that a condom will help them prevent pregnancy and the transmission of STDs.
Also, out of "charity," Western countries (corporations) distribute an, obviously, limited supply of condoms to the Third World. What happens, however, when its inhabitants run out of condoms? The use of condoms opens people's relationships to the risk of having irresponsible sex, aimed at pleasure alone. This lifestyle combined with a lack of condoms will lead to an even more rapid spread of HIV in poor countries, contrary to the purpose of the condoms. Statistics from all African countries, for instance, prove this. Where people are taught to wait for marriage and to be monogamous, the population with HIV has been successfully reduced. In contrast, where condoms are used as a weapon against HIV (and AIDS), the growth rate continues to grow.
In conclusion, proper education is the only way to solve the STD—and the divorce—problem that we are facing.
We need to be more responsible, not only for the good of our own civilization, but also for that of the Third World, a part of the world that largely depends on us for its survival and wellbeing.
"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and he can sustain himself."
My point is that we are in "survival mode" right now. Yes education is the answer. It is ALWAYS they answer. But while education is taking place, and during this perfect storm of STDs Divorce and ignorance, we have to deal with symptoms. 1 in 4 people with an STD is a very real problem we have to face in the US.
Use of condoms don't give people permission to be promiscuous. People give themselves permission to be promiscuous. When we are dealing with the "charity" of condoms in the 3rd world and condom usage in an industrilized nation we have to approach the issue from both sides. Again the education is vital. People need to be empowered to make the right decisions for themselves, to please the larger source that lives inside them. Where their spiritual connection lives. Sometimes the spiritual needs to be reached through the physical... if I treat my body like a temple... who resides in that temple... in my heart... in my soul. The connection takes place. But it isn't always the easiest path or the most recognizable path for people to choose. People must know how to protect themselves while they are finding that path so when they do they are healthy; at least physically.
When a staggering proportion of people in a country have HIV, the use of condoms must be talked about. When people know they have HIV they MUST use a condom even if both parties are infected, because they may have different strains of the virus. We can go on and on about the medical benefits of women who can use condoms rather than birth control pills because of the hormones...
So in the end, I wholeheartedly agree with what you say and I will do whatever is in my power to instill that in my children. And I am also a women's health activist and I will do everything in my power to help women see the choices they have available, counsel when asked, but always have a hand outreached and not a finger pointed. I embrace people and their flaws especially since I have so many of my own, but I have always been blessed with an incredible spiritual relationship and will forever remain hopeful that the human spirit will remain strong and resillient even through these times that seem so desperate. I need not judge... thankfully that isn't my job.
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