Holy Kaw! All the topics that interest us

Top ten candidates to run GM

Media_httpdldropboxcomu102435200pxgeneralmotorsjpg_hhfllecxkwnainz

There’s a vacancy at the top of GM again. The company faces great challenges, so it’s time to think outside-the-box for a new CEO. Here are my ideas.

1. Steve Jobs (Apple). GM would create the most beautiful cars, but you’d need to refill it once a day. You could only buy accessories from the GM store after Phil Schiller approved them. Gas pumps would need new nozzles because Steve mandated non-standard gas-tank fittings.

2. Steve Ballmer (Microsoft). GM cars would look similar to those of German and Italian marques, but it would be seven revisions into the car’s lifecycle before they ran decently.

3. Sarah Palin (Unemployed). Palin would introduce cars that you couldn’t brake or steer called Rogues. Shotgun racks would be a factory option on the Cheney model. However, before they ship, she would resign. When Katie Couric asked her which car magazines she read, she responded, “Most of ‘em.”

4. Michael Arrington (TechCrunch). If Mike ran GM, any documents that you that left inside your car would be considered public information, so you might see them published in CarCrunch. When asked how he could do this, his response was, “They were sitting in our car, so we considered them our property.”

5. Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook) Mark would reposition GM as the car company for young people. It would have advanced features like updating all your friends with your location. However, GM would implode as parents began buying its cars. He would face some personal issues when his former classmates accuse him of ripping off the idea of running GM.

6. Martha Stewart (Martha Stewart Living) Martha’s GM would offer cars in every shade in the pantone book. (Her personal car would be an Escalade in robin’s egg blue with a Carmel-dusk interior.) Midway in her tenure she would serve some prison time, but GM would keep rolling on.

7. Robert Scoble (RackSpace). Citing the trend of social motoring, Scoble would add recording capability to the backup cameras of GM cars. Early adopters would drive their cars around backwards, share their videos online, and then split ad revenue with GM.

8. Rupert Murdoch (News Corp.). Rupert would revolutionize the car business by requiring that people pay to visit GM.com and pay for GM brochures. In addition, searching Google for any GM cars would yield no results.

9. Tony Hsieh (Zappos). Tony would make it so that you can order a GM car online and have it shipped to you. Then you can use it and return it if you don’t like it—no questions asked, free freight both ways. After twelve months, he would sell GM to Toyota for $200 billion.

10. Biz Stone (Twitter). Biz would raise more money from the government and then give cars away with no definitive plans for achieving revenue. (He would hire Chris Anderson (Wired) to implement the idea of free cars. During times of heavy traffic, however, GM cars would sporadically fail.

Save time reading news by creating a personalized MyAlltop page, or you could just read about cars.


Comments (21)

Dec 03, 2009
Flight of Fancy said...
I would buy an Apple car. It would have one hell of a price tag, but hey... Or maybe a Sarah Palin car, because of the machine guns she'd have had built in and standard on all of em.
Dec 03, 2009
naidle said...
You know, if Tony Hsieh has some time on his hands now that Zappos was sold...
Dec 03, 2009
charlieisaacs said...
You forget: Guy Kawasaki (Alltop). Guy's cars all come standard with 140 horsepower engines and a heads-up display showing constant top 10 lists of the cheapest gas stations, best fast food joints, and the top routes to your destination. Instead of mass producing this car he would develop and patent a new process called retweetafacturing.
Dec 03, 2009
gsatell said...
I nominate Guy Kawasaki!

GM Cars would only run for 30 minutes at a time, but they would get 20 miles to the gallon and only take 10 gallons to fill.

- Greg

Dec 03, 2009
Antoine Valot said...
If Guy Kawasaki ran GM, the card would be incredibly fast, emissions-free, stylish and sleek with a special hockey-stick compartment, and OnStar would be a fountain of wisdom.

But everybody would think that GM doesn't do cars anymore, since it's being run by "the motorcycle guy."

;)

Dec 04, 2009
Jeff Robinson said...
How can we not consider somebody from Google? Google Motors would be a great new name to draw in a new generation of car buyers incorporating all the new technologies from Google into the car.A no brainer!

Jeff Robinson
Cookee Corporation

Dec 04, 2009
sorpigale said...
Yeah, I would buy a Google Car
Dec 04, 2009
Bayard Saunders said...
I second the nomination for Tony Hsieh, because then GM would do 3 things:

- The third thing it would do is manufacture and sell cars.
- The second thing it would do is deliver the best customer service in the world through its corporate-owned, highly-trained dealerships.
- The first thing it would do is deliver happiness to its employees and customers by any means necessary.

Then it would be the most successful car company in the world again.

Dec 04, 2009
drtaxsacto said...
How about Al Gore? GM with the bailout is now Government Motors and the deserve each other.
Dec 04, 2009
D.J. Smith said...
Brilliant, Guy!
Dec 04, 2009
AuctionDirect said...
I'd reduce all wasteful traditional media spending, revamp the healthcare/pension expenses & re-create a new, killer image...an image that connects with buyers while creating a new perception of the company & the industry.

Plus, I'll do it for 1/3 the cost.

And a CTS Coupe.

GM, call me.

Dec 04, 2009
jaycor said...
I should be running the company, for sure. I know how to take loads of money in salary and perks and fly off with it in my corporate jet. Italy first! then ... well, I will need a little more money after Italy.
Dec 04, 2009
Rob said...
"Tony would make it so that you can order a GM car online and have it shipped to you. Then you can use it and return it if you don’t like it—no questions asked, free freight both ways."

That's actually a pretty good idea!

Dec 06, 2009
Dave Kliman said...
I'd prefer to see GM split up into 50-100 small startup style companies, each run by a "smart transportation of the future" contest that somebody like DARPA could run first. It would be cool to have the top 10 winners of the Shell Eco Marathon get a chance at making cars on a large scale... Team Microjoule made a vehicle that got more than 11,000 MPG yes that's not a typo... look it up.. So I'd LOVE to see them making cars...
Dec 06, 2009
Dave Kliman said...
correction: contest... WINNER...
Dec 08, 2009
Scott D Howard said...
Hilarious. I believe I would have to pick Tony Hsieh on this one. That is if I am judging by Guy's commentaries.

The real question is: How many on this list would actually want that job?

Dec 12, 2009
sitemap said...
I have found so many interesting thing in your blog and I really love that Keep up the good work
Dec 14, 2009
Abhijit Kar said...
Awesome post and some comments as well. Thanks Antoine for this refreshing comment :"the motorcycle guy."
Dec 18, 2009
Jake F. said...
Guy as CEO would just rebrand Hondas.
Dec 28, 2009
Jason said...
I would seriously love to see what some of heavyweight tech pioneers could do if they focused their attention on reinventing the automotive industry.
Jan 13, 2010
jeetbose22 said...
[...] Tech News for the Day, Monday, December 7, 2010 Start with something simple.Top ten candidates to run GM has some cool tech made for skiing. [...]

Leave a comment...