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Top ten candidates to run GM

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There’s a vacancy at the top of GM again. The company faces great challenges, so it’s time to think outside-the-box for a new CEO. Here are my ideas.

1. Steve Jobs (Apple). GM would create the most beautiful cars, but you’d need to refill it once a day. You could only buy accessories from the GM store after Phil Schiller approved them. Gas pumps would need new nozzles because Steve mandated non-standard gas-tank fittings.

2. Steve Ballmer (Microsoft). GM cars would look similar to those of German and Italian marques, but it would be seven revisions into the car’s lifecycle before they ran decently.

3. Sarah Palin (Unemployed). Palin would introduce cars that you couldn’t brake or steer called Rogues. Shotgun racks would be a factory option on the Cheney model. However, before they ship, she would resign. When Katie Couric asked her which car magazines she read, she responded, “Most of ‘em.”

4. Michael Arrington (TechCrunch). If Mike ran GM, any documents that you that left inside your car would be considered public information, so you might see them published in CarCrunch. When asked how he could do this, his response was, “They were sitting in our car, so we considered them our property.”

5. Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook) Mark would reposition GM as the car company for young people. It would have advanced features like updating all your friends with your location. However, GM would implode as parents began buying its cars. He would face some personal issues when his former classmates accuse him of ripping off the idea of running GM.

6. Martha Stewart (Martha Stewart Living) Martha’s GM would offer cars in every shade in the pantone book. (Her personal car would be an Escalade in robin’s egg blue with a Carmel-dusk interior.) Midway in her tenure she would serve some prison time, but GM would keep rolling on.

7. Robert Scoble (RackSpace). Citing the trend of social motoring, Scoble would add recording capability to the backup cameras of GM cars. Early adopters would drive their cars around backwards, share their videos online, and then split ad revenue with GM.

8. Rupert Murdoch (News Corp.). Rupert would revolutionize the car business by requiring that people pay to visit GM.com and pay for GM brochures. In addition, searching Google for any GM cars would yield no results.

9. Tony Hsieh (Zappos). Tony would make it so that you can order a GM car online and have it shipped to you. Then you can use it and return it if you don’t like it—no questions asked, free freight both ways. After twelve months, he would sell GM to Toyota for $200 billion.

10. Biz Stone (Twitter). Biz would raise more money from the government and then give cars away with no definitive plans for achieving revenue. (He would hire Chris Anderson (Wired) to implement the idea of free cars. During times of heavy traffic, however, GM cars would sporadically fail.

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  • jeetbose22

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