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10 helpful new phrases for United Airlines

United Airlines has been suffering mightily for recent actions that, let’s just say, didn’t play well in the media.

Why just rectify the wrongs when you could take the opportunity and create an overall rebranding effort that puts customers at ease in even the most uncomfortable situations…unless they’re the ones being dragged off the plane, that is.

John Long at McSweeney’s offers these ten helpful phrases to add to the employee handbook.

1. Passenger Favorite
(overbooked flight)

“Our flight to Miami this morning is a passenger favorite, so we’ll be re-accommodating several of you on other United flights.”

2. Bonus Destination
(re-routed flight)

“Ladies and gentlemen, we will no longer be landing in Sacramento. I’m excited to announce that Reno will be our bonus destination.”

Full story at McSweeney’s.

Travel humor.

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